The “Island theory” of why I don’t get you

I like to see people as islands.

On your island you can roam free and set the rules you’d like. You can think what you want, you can believe what you want. Your island is your little world, created by the voice going on in your head.

Everyone has one.

(I hope. Or I’m just going crazy.)

And it’s both a blessing and a curse.

You see…

There’s a distance between my island and your island.

I can’t just walk over to your island and see what’s going on over there.

You know, to see what you do, what you think and how you feel.

No.

I have to stand over here at my island, at the highest point pulling out my binoculars to try to see and understand.

And over here, from where I am standing, I’ll never get the full picture. I can’t see what’s happening behind that rock or deep inside the forest that has grown over time.

That’s beyond my reach.

That’s beyond my reach, but it is a large area of your island.

An area that I need to understand if I’m to understand you.

Or…

Or I can try to scream all that I can, hoping that you’ll hear me. But the words often get lost in the wind.

Over time, we build a few bridges from our island to other people’s islands. Those bridges make us understand. I can walk over to your island and you welcome me with open arms.

But building bridges takes time.

It takes effort.

It takes trust.

Effort that both of us will build our part of the bridge, and trust that you won’t mess with my island.

Few people are worth it.

I think the island analogy is helpful when thinking about how to interact with other people.

Most of the time there’s no bridge.

They don’t get me, and I don't get them.

You know, we talk over each other’s head, or I say something that hurts you and makes you think I’m an idiot, or I say something that is complete mumbo jumbo in your ears.

That’s because we don’t realize that both of us live on our separate island.

We need to help each other understand.

Wave and say, “Hi, let’s talk.”

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