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Listen to me!
We hosted a big dinner the other day.
11 people, 4 courses, wine pairings, drinks. The whole shebang.
Very nice.
Until it wasn’t.
Here’s what happened:
When the last dish was served and people had downed a dozen drinks, the discussion got heated.
(I’m not going to press replay on what the discussion was about. I’ve had to live through it once, that’s more than enough.)
Two camps quickly formed and the game was on.
Back and forth.
And it went like most of these things goes. People came in with their beliefs, got defensive (even offended) when the other side said their thing, ego kicked in, they held even tighter to their beliefs, and so on.
They were getting nowhere.
You know that scene from Matrix when one of the Agents is dodging bullets? It was just the same as the participants in this so-called debate.

The words were flying right past their heads.
Zero questions. Very little listening. A lot of talking.
I guess their goal was to “win” the argument and get the other side over on theirs. If that’s the case, they didn’t get far.
I’ve been talking about changing peoples’ minds before, and it’s not easy stuff.
If you disagree with them, they will slowly build a brick wall around their own beliefs.
This dinner was a case in point.
Instead, I tend to agree with the Tweets below:
Listen Mode
If you encounter someone with opinions or perspectives very different from your own, listen twice as much as you speak.
Our natural tendency when we hear a view we disagree with is to respond and refute it.
Default to Listen Mode. You'll learn way more that way.
— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom)
1:01 PM • Jul 17, 2022
And…
The Paradox of Persuasion
Have you noticed that the most argumentative people rarely persuade anyone?
The most persuasive people don’t argue—they observe, listen, and ask questions.
Argue less, persuade more.
Persuasion is an art that requires a paintbrush—not a sledgehammer.
— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom)
8:45 PM • Dec 24, 2022
Listen, learn, ask.
And don’t expect them to change.
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