The long road to getting what you want

So here’s a topic I’ll come back to many times.

I’ll probably never get it right, but hey, let’s give it a go.

This tweet just crossed my desk:

(I’m sitting on the couch, but it sounded nice and like I’m on the editorial team of some top shelf newspaper.

Anyway, here's the tweet…)

The holy grail: changing someone’s mind.

Get your opponent to think like you. Get them to do what you want. All the time, every time.

Oh, what a sweet world that would be.

But as Sahil here suggests, you can’t just go and tell a person to think like you. No, they want to think like they think and believe in their own brilliant ideas.

Just like you.

And here you are telling them, no, this is the way things are.

You think it will work?

Or do you think you’ll make them feel like 12 again, hearing their mom telling them what to do? The feeling that makes every kid (a few weirdos excluded) walk left every time mommy says right.

You see, when you try to change someone’s mind by arguing, you’ll only raise their guard. They’ll try to avoid the sledgehammer.

Their ego screams: “NO! I am right!!”

So what to do?

Sahil is talking about some art form. How does that work? The paintbrush he’s talking about, where can I buy it?

It’s not easy…

But here are my two cents.

To begin with, it’s clear that we can’t just tell them.

No, getting them to think like you is a longer road. You need to start asking questions. Asking questions to understand their perspective. Understand their brilliant idea.

“Let me hear how you think”

“Can you elaborate on that point so I understand”

“That’s interesting, I never thought about it that way before”

Don’t argue. Just ask and nod.

Now…

Now that you understand them, you still need to remember that you can’t expect to change them.

You need to accept that all they care about is themselves.

So how can you create a win-win?

Here you need to get creative.

“It sounds like that is very important to you. This is important for me. Here’s a potential way forward.”

They get something close to their heart, you get something close to yours.

That’s something!

A moment ago you were complete opposites. Now both of you got something.

Not bad.

But then again, the person on the other side might be an idiot. Then it’s not worth it.

Then go do something else.

If you liked it and want more. Hit subscribe.